The site crashed today.

All the work I poured into last weekend was gone, just like that. We think it might be a hacker, as the blog itself was wholly deleted. But who knows. Maybe it was a mistake. Either way, what's done is done.

The blog failing though is an apt metaphor for my life right about now.

I feel like its the end.

Purge.

Reboot.

Somehow, over the last month or so, I've let a lot of things spiral out of control. I've also had a lot of setbacks.

Setbacks, like...

*Finding out my boss' job is no longer secure, and if they decide to clean house that means I am going to go as well

*Finding out shaky job has disqualified me for my income based rent program so my rent will double

*Finding out that the apartment I was supposed to move into last weekend still isn't vacant.

*Findng out that my credit is shot, so my security deposit has jumped up to the equivalent of one month's rent.

It's a lot really. I've been panicking because it seems like I can't pull everything under control. And every time I do pull something under control - like solidly filling the next two weeks of the blog posting schedule - something like this happens.

And of course, I didn't back up my editorial pieces.

And of course, of course, of course.

We have a new head boss at my office. I already don't like her. Firstly, because she treats us all like wayward children. Also because she asked us to "think outside of the box" - and I hate people who still use that phrase - but in the next breath reminded us to "work inside the parameters we have set." So stay inside the box, but work outside the box? Right.

I'm low on cash, but somehow I ended up buying a couple bottles of wine and some really expensive chocolate from Union Station.

Horrible day, horrible night, and now this new day has dawned.

Time to rebuild.

You know, I write a ton about class and growing up poor, but somewhere along the line I got real fucking bougie.

People look at YDP and they look at me and draw conclusions from our appearences...but I was the one who aced the BAP test.

Check out this list of Stuff Educated Black Women Like.

They got me on:

26. "The Black Girl"- EBW's love rooting for the one or two Black girls in a position typically filled by Whites; the one Black ballerina in the New York City Ballet (though Aesha's gone), the one Black news anchor on the 10 o'clock news, the Black CEO, the one Black beauty contestant in the Top Ten, even Oprah Winfrey!!! It didn't matter that many Black women thought Star Jones was arrogant, when she was fired from The View we were pissed! We wanted to riot when Kara Saun didn't win Project Runway. Really, EBW's love to see Black women breaking barriers because it reaffirms our sense of purpose. At least once, most EBW's have experienced being "The Black Girl". What do we hate? "The Black Girl" that was type-cast on reality tv to represent all Black women. Why? She's either "ghetto", the "vixen" or the "bitch" and neither is accurate.

20. Martini’s- It’s not that we collectively love the taste of a Martini more than we do red wine, pinot grigio, or champagne, it ‘s that we love the way the glass is shaped. A Martini glass is just a sexy instrument to hold between our delicate fingers as we so elegantly work the room. We also love to congregate in Martini Bars and try different types. Pomegranate anyone?

16. Paying Exorbitant Prices for Ordinary Things- An EBW may swear by a t-shirt, Gap Jeans, and a worn down pair of Birkenstocks, but even the most modest of EBW’s won’t hesitate to pay 60 bucks for a 16 oz. jar of Miss Jesse’s curly Pudding. We love to pay high prices for ordinary items, like Frederick Fekai hair products, Carol’s Daughter, and Kiehl’s skin cream. We especially like brands that ordinary folk have yet to hear of and we are quick to abandon them once they become popular. We know that conspicuous consumption is a sure sign of a faker, and we know that ordinary folks will pay top dollar for designer gear and skimp on everything else. So to prove our authenticity as true elitists, we avoid being walking build boards, but we flock to expensive ordinary items; bottled water, take-out, pots, linens, greeting cards, flip flops, Swarovski studded card holders, pens…you name it. We also love to shop at expensive grocery stores where we can buy quality expensive apples, hummus and organic cereal. Many of us will ultimately think we’re too good for Shop Rite. We prefer Dean and Deluca, Whole Foods, and Kings and other high-end grocery store chains.

[Kaida's Note - Shut it UP, 3S2B! I know I drag you through the elements to go to a bougie store, but damn it I need my expensive wate!]

15. Bohemian Men- We get turned on by the sight of long locks. We yearn to seduce that man with bronze skin, high cheek bones, and a thick… Caribbean accent. We like poets, writers, musicians, underground rappers and artists, especially sculptors who work with their hands. We like men who traverse Harlem River Drive with a scribbled on note pad in their back pocket, humming Dizzy Gillespie, pondering the plight of the Black race. Okay, ultimately we may not marry a bohemian man but we will at least have a fling, or for some timid EBW’s, a recurring fantasy. For the EBW, his sex appeal lies in his very willingness to break with the status quo. In our tradition-filled world with clean cut, social climbing, corporate-bound men named Darius and Joshua, we long for a man named Jafar who will blow our back out, and then smoke a blunt and explain what this whole Rasta thing is about. Yes, well, this is just true.

11. Competition- EBW’s thrive on competition. Nothing inspires them more than the thought of doing what they do better than the next person. It starts in school when we are conditioned by our parents to be twice as good as everyone else (in particular White People) in order to get ahead. So we compete against our peers for the highest GPA. If we play a sport or practice an art (of course we do) we compete to be the best at that. Competition is a way of life for EBW’s. We even compete against ourselves. In college we compete to be the most visible student leaders. Then we compete to see who can get into the best grad school and/or land the best job, who can go the furthest in their career, catch the finest, most successful husband, and then bear the best children. We compete against ourselves and sometimes we don’t even know who we’re competing against, we just strive to surpass perfection by instinct.
We don’t just compete against our peers though. We especially like to compete against other EBW’s (and yes, they can be our friends) because while we learned that we always have to be twice as well to prove ourselves in the real world, we are also lead to believe that there can only be ONE EBW at the top of her game in a chosen field. And then, when we discover that there is a shortage of black men, we fear that if we aren’t the most outstanding woman in the crop, we’ll end up 46 and never married. We compete to be the best dressed. We compete to have the smallest waist line. We compete to be in the most exclusive organizations and to have the most finely decorated home. I’ve seen an established grown woman demand a bigger engagement ring from her husband (and the original was fabulous) because her long-time friend received a brand new 5 caret from her husband on her anniversary. Competition inspires us. Often times it brings out the best, but sometimes it brings out the worse. Now I don’t condone this “crabs in the barrel” nonsense, and it doesn’t apply 100 per cent for all of us, but I call it like I see it.

10. The Arts- Because most EBW’s participated in some capacity in the performing arts during their childhood, we grow up to be lovers of culture. We love going to the theater, and not just the Apollo and the Beacon Theater to see the latest production on the “Chitlin’ Circuit” (though don’t get me wrong, an EBW will be front and center at a Tyler Perry play or some other “Momma I Want to Sing”). We enjoy performances such as Alvin Ailey, Jazz at the Lincoln Center, and Broadway musicals, especially those shows starring Black Folks. We love to spend an evening at a good jazz club and we usually become avid collectors of Black art.

4. Michelle Obama- Barack Obama is an awesome candidate, but despite his honorable stance on the War in Iraq, health care, and the economy, what an EBW likes best about Barack is his wife Michelle. That’s right. Thank you Barack for choosing a successful, highly-educated, sophisticated, and beautiful Black woman as your wife and as the mother of your children. The election may not be over yet, but already Michelle is our First Lady. She is our patron saint. She is the Corretta Scott King of our generation. She’s not just the senator’s wife. Michelle has an identity of her own and an incredible academic and professional background. She can deliver just a fiery speech as he and address an audience of voters on any issue. And still, we can see how devoted she is to supporting her husband. We love that. We especially love that Michelle defies every stereotype that the media tries to project onto Black Women, those stereotypes EBW’s constantly fight to contradict. Older EBW’s admire her, and in case you were wondering, Michelle is the women that all of us Generation X EBW’s are trying to be.

2. Flowery Language-Okay, so we’re educated. Of course we have fantastic sentence structure, pronunciation, and a broad vocabulary. We are articulate. But remember, we are not just Educated Women, we are Educated Black Women and like all Blacks, we like flavor (salt and paprika please). And Black Women have found a special way to season the english language. Lightly of course, she doesn't do ebonics (except behind close doors), but she will add some flair to the generic sentence with off-beat expressions and spicy words like “fabulous”, “fly”, “fierce”, and “darling”. Cece my love, that outfit is baaad!" Now don't get me wrong, the EBW is merely reacting to a legacy of innovating the English language, something Blacks have always done but in many ways the EBW is the mediator between the vernacular and mundane English. She weaves the two together seamlessly.

AND, HELL YEAH:

1. Educated Black Men- This requires little explanation. What an EBW loves best next to God and her family is an Educated Black Man… that loves an Educated Black Woman. Our ultimate ambition is to form a power couple. We want a man with class, intelligence, and ambition. And he must love his mama. It doesn’t matter where he came from, he just needs to have his eyes on the prize. And when we fall in love with that lucky EBM, we provide him our deepest love and support .

*Soundtrack - "Touch" and "Girls on Top", BoA

Choose Your Own Misadventure 1 - Of Wariness and Waxing

On my lunch hour on Tuesday, I decided to go take care of some basic grooming and went to my favorite nail salon for waxing, a manicure, and a pedicure. This salon is very quiet and well kept, and the women who work there are the masters of the upsell.

They also do that thing where they make you feel really bad about some kind of flaw so they can fix it. You know the conversation:

You: Eyebrow wax please.

Waxer: So an eyebrow wax, and your upper lip?

You: No, just an eyebrow wax, thanks.

Waxer: So, you want me to leave the mustache there?

You: *cringe* Okay, fine, wax it.

Only on the most confident days can I say no to their hair hunt. However, today I felt like I needed the works so I requested a face wax. While making polite small talk with my sweet waxer lady - Rose - she mentioned that they did all kinds of waxing service. I innocently inquired about the cost for a bikini wax. Big mistake.

Rose: Oh, you want a bikini wax?

Me: No, not today, just checking your price.

Rose: You should just do it today!

Me: No, no, I'm fine, really - I wanted to know for next time.

Rose: No, you should do it today. *puts down her waxing stick to make emphasis* You get a bikini wax, it's one, two days before you can have sex! You want to get it now, make the wait shorter!

Me: But, umm...

Rose: Just twenty five dollars, it will be clean and beautiful!

Me: But, uh...

Rose: You don't want to be clean and beautiful?

Me: I mean, I guess...I just never had one before.

Rose: That's good! I do for you, twenty five dollars, I use the small strips so it doesn't hurt! My husband love when I get wax, trust me your husband, your boyfriend he love it. Only twenty five dollars more!

Siiigh...why do I always fall for the upsell?

I agree to a bikini wax and Rose goes to lock the door. She asked me to remove my clothes, so I take off my pants and lay down. She comes back and frowns.

Rose: Umm...you need to take EVERYTHING off.

I must have looked stricken because she quickly added "It's ok, I'm a woman too! Don't be embarrassed!"

Uh, yeah, you're a woman too, but one of the reasons I wanted to wait was to clean up for housekeeping, if you know what I mean. Hot damn.

I peeled out of my skivvies and looked around for the paper panties. There were none. Ye gods - I thought a bikini wax just did the areas around your panty line. Oh no - Rose had me get into the gynocologist postion, cheerfully applying wax and ripping away while telling me all about her first bikini wax.

Rose: I was scared like you! *riiiiip* Not so bad though, just weird! *riiiip* I come home and my husband shocked, he thought I was robbed! *riiiiip*

It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, but I kept remembering that crazy line from SATC when Carrie got a wax and the woman got extra zealous with the job.

"She took everything I got!"

Well, I felt got. It only hurt once or twice, but it was kind of tripping me out to see someone attack my privates like a landscaper. She was making all kinds of contours with the wax to give me a "shape." Then she attacked me with the tweezers. At the end of it all, I had a bare expanse of skin and a crotch full of baby powder and baby oil.

Oi.

And she was right - it took a day or so to heal up enough for sex. My snatch was in shock for the rest of the night.


Choose Your Own Misadventure 2 - Cell Phone Dials Death!

Pre-bikini wax, 3S2B and I were getting frisky in the bed one night.

I'm not going to say what we were doing, let's just say it was explicit, playful and required body shifting and a lot of "do you like when I do..." discussion.

We were messing around for about twenty minutes - with breaks to watch the debates and primary run up - when we were rudely interrupted by a phone call.

It was my mom. Why is mom calling me at eleven at night?

Kaida: Hello?
Mom: Hi Kaida.
Kaida: What's up?
Mom: Well - you called me first.
Kaida: Huh?
Mom: A few minutes ago. *Long pause* I heard your whole conversation.
Kaida: Oooooh....sorry about that. Kthankxbai!

Me & 3S2B look at each other for a long moment. Now, if this was anyone else's momma, I am sure they would let their kids play it off with dignity.

But this is my mom.

And she is teh evil.

And under normal circumstances, I would just "forget" to call her for a few months but she happens to have my taxes and I need to go pick them up.

Fuuuuuuck.

Things you should never say to a woman, part one.

I was minding my own business, heading to the cafeteria to pick up some lunch when some crosseyed mofo pulling a cart has the nerve to cut me off and say:

"So, goregeous, when are you going to take me to lunch?"

I cut my eyes before I realized what has happening. Are you fucking kidding me? I don't know where men get this advice to tell the girl to take you to lunch. Acting like that shit is cute. You think it's a cute ice breaker - I just think you're advertising that you're broke.

Also, a side note: only the finest men can get away with that shit you read in the magazines and on the men's websites. If you are so attractive, women are literally competing for your attention anywhere you go. If you're that fine, you can say "Peanut Butter and Jelly" and I'd probably still spark a conversation.

But if you approach women on the regular? No, no, no, no. That shit is not cute. Take your crosseyed ass back to work pulling that dolly.

In other news, I know have the itis from the delicious lunch I enjoyed alone...

I'm taking this back in the day y'all - Myers Briggs!

(Note: To those of y'all who know me from high school and beyond might find it hard to believe I am an introvert. But alas, it is true. The confident outgoing Kaida you know and love is a product of a year of hard labor converting myself into someone who could have a conversation without getting too nervous to speak.

Portrait of an INTJ - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
(Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Thinking)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Scientist

As an INTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others.

(I do this all the time. And I hate when people disappoint me.)

With Introverted Intuition dominating their personality, INTJs focus their energy on observing the world, and generating ideas and possibilities. Their mind constantly gathers information and makes associations about it. They are tremendously insightful and usually are very quick to understand new ideas. However, their primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way. Unlike the INTP, they do not follow an idea as far as they possibly can, seeking only to understand it fully. INTJs are driven to come to conclusions about ideas. Their need for closure and organization usually requires that they take some action.

(Hence my ridiculous love of social causes while distaining the ivory tower style shit.)

INTJ's tremendous value and need for systems and organization, combined with their natural insightfulness, makes them excellent scientists. An INTJ scientist gives a gift to society by putting their ideas into a useful form for others to follow. It is not easy for the INTJ to express their internal images, insights, and abstractions. The internal form of the INTJ's thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand. However, the INTJ is driven to translate their ideas into a plan or system that is usually readily explainable, rather than to do a direct translation of their thoughts. They usually don't see the value of a direct transaction, and will also have difficulty expressing their ideas, which are non-linear. However, their extreme respect of knowledge and intelligence will motivate them to explain themselves to another person who they feel is deserving of the effort.

(This also happens to me all the time. This is why Jerry calls me an intellectual snob. I'm NOT a snob - I just try to determine as quickly as possible if the person I am talking to do is going to get what I am talking about or bore me talking about Paris Hilton in a non analytical way.)

INTJs are natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead. When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective, because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well. They are the supreme strategists - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency.

(Accurate. Personally, I hate the burden of managing others unless there is a definite end date.)

INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings. Unless their Feeling side is developed, they may have problems giving other people the level of intimacy that is needed. Unless their Sensing side is developed, they may have a tendency to ignore details which are necessary for implementing their ideas.

(See 2006 entries. I no longer have problems with intimacy, though I think I do need to learn to cut people off faster...)

The INTJ's interest in dealing with the world is to make decisions, express judgments, and put everything that they encounter into an understandable and rational system. Consequently, they are quick to express judgments. Often they have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things. Unless they complement their intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express their insights, they may find themselves frequently misunderstood. In these cases, INTJs tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party, rather than on their own difficulty in expressing themselves. This tendency may cause the INTJ to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist.

(I try not to do that, but I know I do. This happens a ton in the blogosphere. )

INTJs are ambitious, self-confident, deliberate, long-range thinkers. Many INTJs end up in engineering or scientific pursuits, although some find enough challenge within the business world in areas which involve organizing and strategic planning. They dislike messiness and inefficiency, and anything that is muddled or unclear. They value clarity and efficiency, and will put enormous amounts of energy and time into consolidating their insights into structured patterns.

Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ. They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others, they simply do not typically feel the need to express it. Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the INTJ is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement their ideas. The INTJ is usually quite open to hearing an alternative way of doing something.

(Some people understand my flow, and some don't. I don't know what else to say to that end.)

When under a great deal of stress, the INTJ may become obsessed with mindless repetitive, Sensate activities, such as over-drinking. They may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that they would not normally consider important to their overall goal.

(Hmm...yes...this would explain why I bought 6 bottles of wine the last time I went to the store when I generall only do a couple bottles a month. This would also explain why I have varying addicitions that are indulgent [shopping, food], self-punishing [my gym binges, like yesterday's Death by Kickbox], or restorative [reading, yoga.] Makes sense...)

INTJs need to remember to express themselves sufficiently, so as to avoid difficulties with people misunderstandings. In the absence of properly developing their communication abilities, they may become abrupt and short with people, and isolationists.

(I did develop this one...but...yeah, still there)

INTJs have a tremendous amount of ability to accomplish great things. They have insight into the Big Picture, and are driven to synthesize their concepts into solid plans of action. Their reasoning skills gives them the means to accomplish that. INTJs are most always highly competent people, and will not have a problem meeting their career or education goals. They have the capability to make great strides in these arenas. On a personal level, the INTJ who practices tolerances and puts effort into effectively communicating their insights to others has everything in his or her power to lead a rich and rewarding life.
Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxilliary: Extraverted Thinking
Tertiary: Introverted Feeling
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing